Hopefully, you will read this letter. When you see it is from me, you might put it in the trash. So if you are reading, I have a lot to say. A lot of things have been pent up within me sinceAugust 16 when our marriage was dissolved like a lump of sugar in a cup of hot tea. What a way to describe the ending of a 12-year marriage.
I did not understand at the time how I would ever get over you and get on with my life. I have been constantly reminded that "If you love something set it free. If it comes back it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was."
You Were Happy After Our Divorce
You seemed so happy with the divorce. After all, you were the one who initiated it. The look on your face seemed as if you were thinking to yourself, "Here I am, world, free again!"
Through 5 months of going through the pain and agony of divorce, I could see you were very pleased to separate your life from mine. Despite the way I felt that dreadful day, I knew I had to get on with my life,Even though I found someone. Unfortunately, it had to be without you.
Our property and possessions had been split down the middle, but emotionally I was still joined to you.
Two Hearts Severed
For several months after our divorce, my heart still ached for you. I tried to forget the heated arguments and then the bitter silence that had occurred often during our twelve years of marriage. Like the hands on a clock, our marriage did not go past the number twelve. It seemed as though our marriage had gone full circle.
I have gone over the years of our marriage a thousand times in my mind and have tried to understand why people who start out so much in love like we did could now be sworn enemies. How could two human hearts intertwined into one now be severed in two?
When Was the Exact Moment?
I cannot pinpoint the exact moment when I noticed that your feelings had changed toward me.
Was it the time I told you I wanted to be my own person?
Was it the time I told you I love juliani?
Was it the time I began thinking for myself?
I don't know what caused you to turn away from me both in bed and out of bed. The only thing I can remember is that you did, and it hurt!
I remember during our arguments you would say things to me that were really mean. For instance, one time you said that I was not happy and would never be happy and you weren't even going to try to make me happy. What a cruel thing to say to the woman you married to? You were mean to me in other ways. Some I have forgotten, but then there are some cruel things that I will always remember.
Missed You
No matter how bad you treated me, I admit for a while after the divorce, I missed you very much. I still thought I heard your footsteps coming home at night. I still set an extra plate at the table, but your place remained empty.
In a conversation later, I asked you if you ever regretted divorcing me. You shut me up real fast by saying, "No, I don't regret divorcing you; I regret even having married you."